Photo by Steve Halama/Unsplash How To Find Real Love & Avoid Online Dating Games image

You deserve real love in your life. That simple message is hard to find in a world overwhelmed by online dating.

Cindee Doll leads the Clients Connection Center here at Heartts, and she shared what she learned after years of helping people live their best lives.

Cindee Doll — Photo & makeup by Kylee Lorraine

All of Cindee’s work and life experience has brought her to where she was always meant to be—helping others achieve their goals, be it personal, professional or in their love life.

Cindee has extensive work experience in hospitality, retail, and direct marketing businesses. She earned her BBA in Human Resources Management at Kwantlen Polytechnic University.

Her true passion is working with people to achieve their very best, whatever that might look like for them.

What are some common misconceptions we have about relationships?

Cindee Doll: There is an overall expectation that relationships are always supposed to be easy. You’re supposed to fall in love with someone, never fight, and live happily ever after.

And then, on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, and other online platforms, we only select the perfect parts of our life to show to the world. If all we see is a perfect snap of somebody else’s life, then we all think, “Oh, why don’t I have it together like this person?”

Some people come to us and say, “I’m not perfect.”

Well, nobody is! And we all have our own insecurities. Every single one of us is insecure, but we keep thinking that we are the only ones who wake up in the morning with bags under our eyes, have a bad day, or get up on the wrong side of the bed—because that’s not what we show the world anymore.

We are hiding behind our screens and only projecting what we want to see. So nobody sees us in real life.

How do unrealistic expectations from dating apps affect our dating lives?

Cindee Doll: With online dating, you’re not allowed to be real. Online dating is the epitome of a false projection of your life. When I’m making up a profile online, I can be whoever I want to be. I can take the best photo of myself and then I can Photoshop it.

And once you’ve decided that you want to meet in real life, you find out that the person is not as tall as they said they were, or they’re not as skinny as they said they were, or not as educated as they said they were. If you say, “You lied on your profile,” then the person will respond: “Everybody lies.”

You are looking for the real deal— a relationship—but this person wants to start a relationship based on lies because it’s “accepted.” This fine and great for those that are looking for a one-night stand or good-enough-for-now, or something on the side.

But if you are looking for a committed, long-term, healthy, loving relationship, that’s really hard to find online.

How do you help Heartts connections cope with unrealistic expectations?

Cindee Doll: I constantly tell people this: “You deserve it. You deserve an honest person. You deserve real love in your life.”

Here in the Client Connections Center, our first rule is to tell people that they deserve a real honest and healthy relationship. We also offer relationship coaching and tools with our package, because a healthy relationship starts with a healthy person.

We are there for all of our clients. The key is to help them understand that they are human and all humans make mistakes—and that’s okay! The person that they’re going out to meet is also human and can also make mistakes.

The bottom line is that life isn’t perfect. Life is not a fairy tale.

When you find somebody who truly loves you and cares for who you are underneath, then they’re going to think you’re the most beautiful or handsome person in the world, even first thing in the morning with the morning breath and your hair everywhere!

Find out more about Heartts!

Heartts is an alternative to the old dating services versus dating apps problem. These articles that show what makes Heartts different from dating apps and dating services.

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Dating 101: Tips Before You Start Dating Again

Finally, don’t forget that dating apps don’t work for lots of people. According to one study, one-third of all online daters have never even found a date through online dating services